Category: Guides

The 5 Step Guide to Smoking In A Hotel Room


How to smoke in a hotel room? First and foremost let me say that i am all for safe guarding the general public from D ‘ Evils of 2nd hand smoke and all of that cool good samaritan protecting the environment shit. But be clear , in today’s society their has been a crusade against smoking , is that crusade a good thing? Well yeah , but when i open the door of a hotel room and immediately in-vision the inevitable , you know me and a braud relaxed on the bed , indulging in various vices after going more rounds than the Thrilla In Manilla . The absolute LAST thing on my mind is obeying a rule that prohibits me from sparking the loud.

Now whatever your vice is be it cigarettes , cigars , or weed The 5 Step Guide to Smoking In A Hotel Room will come in handy as you travel the world and shoot scenes in your movie of life. This guide is the best of its kind , don’t believe me , go google a guide to smoking in a hotel room and see what you get. Are you really gonna listen to those little fucks at e-how? You think they indulge in vices? Are you kiddin me or what!? Now lets get into it.

1. Evaluate The Room

First evaluate the room, if your really stand up and proactive you have already done the proper reconnaissance on the room , number of windows in the room , floor it will be on , balcony access etc. Scope out the ceiling of the room see where all the smoke detectors are , inspect the bathroom , does it have a walk in shower? This is all basic shit you will take notice of when you first check in and enter your room, be aware of your surroundings.

2. Have Ozium

Ozium is absolutely essential to successfully smoking in a hotel room and not getting kicked the fuck out. Excuse my french , curse words not your thing? Kindly click that fuckin x at the top right hand corner of the window , if your on a Mac that’s the red button ya little fuck go read some soft shit like Esquire or GQ. Now where was I? Oh yeah , have Ozium.

If your smoking that loud , that neighbors knock on your door and ask you to turn it down. That power , im talkin about diesel jet engine fuel your gonna need Ozium. Your stand up author recommends the large can , original scent , the quantity needed depends on the amount of vice your partaking in , ill let you decide on that. Febreeze wont do it , incense wont do it , candles wont do it , Lysol wont fuckin do it Ozium i said,  get yourself some Ozium.

3. Ice Cold Water Towel

I assume your already aware of this , this is the obvious elementary fundamental step so i wont elaborate on it to much. The most important thing about the Ice Cold Water Towel is that it is firmly and neatly tucked under the main door of the room. Now focus , because 9 times outta 10 when your applying the Ice Cold Water Towel your gonna be drunk , so make sure the towel isn’t jammed under the door in a fashion that it can be scene from the outside hallway. You dont want any square boxes seeing a towel sticking from under the door and snitching on you to the front desk do you? I thought so , now , after it is neatly and firmly tucked under the door and no air is flowing from the inside of the room place a dry towel on top of it.

4. Smoke

Obviously you cant smoke in a hotel room without smoking , but dont be a square box , a lame , a lesser human being, first and foremost when smoking in a hotel room understand what you are doing, understand the situation. Be alert not paranoid , enjoy your smoke , you earned it. Hopefully your smoking with some cool chicks.

* Extended Step: If you want to be extra cautious , steam the bathroom by running hot water from the shower , apply the Ice Cold Water Towel on the main door of the room and the bathroom door and smoke in the bathroom.

5. The Spray Down & Tip

Open all windows in the hotel room, i doubt you will be able to fully open them so crack them as wide as you can , air the room out , while all the windows are cracked as much as possible walk around the room spraying the Ozium in the air. Stop for about 5 minutes and do it again , chill , take some shots , go a round with your braud and spray again. It is important to remember before checking out to leave a generous tip, you may do this anyway, but just incase the maid has a good nose or is a champion herself the extra generous tip may keep her fuckin mouth shut.

There you have it, The 5 Step Guide to Smoking In A Hotel Room.

Your all welcome.